the hurt

Its not the activity that hurt

Its not

Its the hatred for yourself that you allowed them to do it to you

Its the next day, when you are finally alone

Where you can consider whats been done

Its seeing the person again and wondering if they will say anything

Its the realisation, that what occurred isn’t to be spoken of

Ever,

Its a secret you didn’t agree to keep

But are forced to

Its the pain of living that way

In that life

With that secret

Bearing it

When you mum says good night

When she asks are you ok

Its the pain of wondering, what you did

Or why you did it or why you enjoyed it

Its the question

Did you enjoy it?

Is this you now? Is this who you are?

Is this what you want?

For days and days, weeks on weeks, years on years you wonder

Until when you are still a child but your older

The same predators seek you out

And this time you allow it to happen again, like you did the first time

Wondering, what will you feel?

Is this you

Is this who you are

Then you arrive home

You idol in the drive way breathing

wondering, will the people inside know

Will they see it in you

Will they know what just happened

What you allowed to happen

Then on go the years

Years of addiction, pouring down drinks smoking cigarettes anything to take your mind from

The secret

But people know

They don’t know what happened they don’t know why you act the way you do but they know you’re different

Then one day you become an adult

You realise who you are

You realise you didn’t ask for any of this

You didn’t create it

One persons torture, lead to your torture,

But it doesn’t have to be this way,

As an adult you realise, you aren’t what they wanted you for

And that you don’t have to hold it in

Thats what they wanted

Be a man now and let it go

Because then you were just a child

A boy that didn’t know

Sexual assault happens at sleep overs, it happens at places of employment, it happens to boys and its time that we allow them to speak out because its not their fault.